Wow, its hot, hot hot. A scorching 41 Celsius (105 Fahrenheit)!

Wow, its hot, hot hot, here in Rhodes. The daily temperature is reaching a scorching 41 Celsius (105 Fahrenheit) and with little or no breeze it’s almost to hot to sit out in the midday sun. So the cool sparkling swimming pool is a welcome retreat, and coupled with a few refreshing cocktails, perfect for a relaxing day.

However, one of the problems with being in a hot climate is the overwhelming desire and need to drink fluids, and in large quantities. This has unfortunately lead Helen and I to overindulge, and in hindsight, we now know that drinking litres of beer, wine and cocktails throughout the day, does not rehydrate you. So it’s going to be plenty of icy water and afternoon high tea from now on, and we’ll save the alcohol till the evening.

The pool was remarkably quiet in the morning, with only a German couple having a early swim like myself. The Rhodian sun is strong, even at eight o’clock in the morning, so I always put on some sunscreen after my swim, but I struggle to do my back, so I’ve been thinking, should I ask one of the German guests to help?

Now asking for help might sound simple thing to do, and yes, they probably would help, they’re nice enough people, but there’s problem. What if they asked me to return the favour! Now I know I’m not the slimmest of people, and I’ve got chubby bits, but these people look like sumo wrestlers, and I don’t want to be forced into lifting the flaps of fat out of the way to get the sunscreen rubbed in. It’s bad enough watching it ouse out, as they try to apply it themselves.

And before you say it, I know I shouldn’t be looking, but it’s human nature to look at bizarre things! And a 300lb topless woman, in a swimming costume so tight it turned into a thong, and skin so burnt it has the look of pork scratchings is quite a sight!

So answer me this: what should I do?